A Wish

Dear Squirt and Spud,
This weekend I went by myself to Chicago to attend the wedding of one of my oldest friends, your Auntie D. She and I have known each other for over 17 years now and can't really remember life before I knew her. I went to college with her now husband, so this weekend was like a mini-high school and college reunion. I had an incredibly great time.

I talked a lot about both of you this weekend. Squirt: several of my friends also have kiddos about your age, so we talked about books and potty training and just the silly stuff we are experiencing raising toddlers. And Spud: lots of people are following this blog and had questions about when exactly you will join our family. They are nearly as excited to meet you as we are. The cab driver on the way to the airport this morning asked me if I had kids and I responded "two." As soon as the word was out of my mouth it kind of shocked me at the realization of just how much you are already apart of my life and heart.

This weekend as I spent time laughing and catching up with my friends, all I could think about is how lucky I am. While I may not talk to these people every day, they are the family I have created for myself, and by extension, for you. I am so incredibly proud of the adults we have all become and the way we have rallied together to face challenges and gathered together to celebrate happy moments. As Scotty and I were leaving the reception we passed a group of 4 older adults standing together and talking. It seemed as if they had known each other for years and Scotty & I both had the same thought, "Would that be us many years in the future?" I can only hope so.

Kiddos, one of my biggest wishes for you is that you find friends that love you and that you love as much as I do my friends. True friendship isn't always easy, but it is very much worth it. And the longer you have your friends, the more you will appreciate them. These are the people that you don't have to explain yourself to... they know your quirks and strange qualities and love you anyways. These are the people that you would travel a million miles for in times of tragedy and joy because you know that they would do the same for you in a heartbeat. They are the people that regardless of how much time passes between phone calls/emails/visits, you can pick up with as if no time has passed. They are the ones you can count on if you need a kidney, bailed out of jail, or just a hug. They know how to make you laugh and don't judge you when you cry.

So to all my friends that have helped me become the woman I am today: Thank you! When I look at each of you, I see how you were on the day we met and marvel at the amazing person you have become. I imagine how you will be in 20 years, and it is such a beautiful picture. We are all doing such great things with our lives and I know that a large part of our ability to do that is because of the strength and support our friendship grants us. I love you!

P.S. Slera, you need to hurry up and get hitched so we have an excuse to reunite again!

Holding Pattern

All we can do now is wait. Our home study is done and we just have to wait until next week to get the rough draft. We will make any needed corrections to that, send it back, and then the final draft will be on the way to the agency. It takes them about 2 days to review it and request any additional documentation (unless I'm not reading something correctly, we should have everything done). Then we are told we can activate.

I have the contract downstairs, just need to take it to a friend next week to get notarized. And we have requested the check for the activation fee from the bank. The minute I get the e-mail that we are ready to activate, I will overnight mail that all to the agency.

And then we wait to get THE CALL.

I've started making all the what-if plans, but really, I think it is best to just slow down and put my mind on something, anything, else. I'm making Squishy hide the adoption books and block the agency website from my computer. I'm going to put my energy on the daycare for now instead.

Hope all is well with each of you!

Family Sunday and Money Stress (Adoption is EXPENSIVE)

It isn't even 130 yet and we have accomplished a TON today! While we had a lot that we needed/wanted to accomplish today, we've been doing it at a calm pace and together as a family, so it has been very enjoyable. I just keep wondering how many Sunday's we have left as a family of three.

Today I drove the mini-van to the grocery store for the first time. Opened up the sun roof and just smiled!!! It is ridiculously funny to me how a ten year old vehicle with nearly 140,000 miles can make me so happy, but it totally does.

Big thing on our minds right now with the adoption is the cost. Several factors are at play right now: we set our match budget with the agency and went slightly higher than average in order to get our profile out to more birth mom's. When we set that number though we had expected Squishy to have gotten his bonus from work, but now we won't get that money until sometime between late September and late November. As I mentioned in the last post, we are Dave Ramsey converts and so we do everything with cash. We could get a credit card to pay for some of the upfront fees so that we have more available cash (the only thing they accept for matches), but that just doesn't feel right. Besides, we've already accepted that fact that we might have to use credit for the travel portion of the adoption. So that leaves us with several options:

1) Lower our match budget. The amount of cash we have on hand right this second is exactly what the average adoption costs. While that is great, it means we won't be shown to birth mom's with higher expenses/needs, thus possibly increasing our wait time.

2) Delay activation until the bonus comes through.

3) Keep our match budget the same and ask family members for personal loans to help in the event we get matched before the bonus comes through. While the amount of money is relatively small and spread out over several parents and grandparents we think it would be manageable, we really hate to go this direction. We very much pride ourselves on our financial stability.

I've always been a stress ball about money. I'm starting to look into loan programs and the military will help us with some costs after the adoption is finalized. Plus we will get a nice tax break. But none of that helps us right now if we get the call before Squishy gets his bonus.

If it was just me, I would turn off the Internet, cancel my cell phone, and just live on ramen noodles. But that's not really want I want this experience to be about for any of us. Yes, I am desperate for another child, but I don't want my memories of getting Spud to be about deprivation. Instead, we are cutting back where we can (mainly going from 6 meals out a week to maybe 1) and just really budgeting carefully.

In the meantime, I am still busy selling stuff, so if anyone wants to purchase a beautiful size 12 wedding dress, treadmill, tv, or carpet cleaner, please let me know. ;)

Signs from God

Squishy and I are not what you would call religious by any stretch of the imagination. I'm more open to God then he is, but more in that I count my blessings/pray for people/watch for signs kind of way... not in the go to church way.

This last week though we encounter a strange series of events that is really making me feel like a higher power is watching out for us and cheering us on. The story makes me smile, so I thought I would share it here.

For the last few years, I have really wanted a mini van. A ring makes you officially married, a mini van makes you officially a mom, in my mind. The car I have I got in college and is not very suitable for one kid, let alone multiple children (manual locks, manual windows, no cruise control, no anti-lock brakes, and very little room for car seats). While Squishy was deployed it was okay because I could just drive his vehicle, but now that he is back, he wants his truck and not my car that recently lost power steering and air conditioning (so now it is a bit like driving a very hot go kart).

Mini vans are expensive and having recently become a Dave Ramsey convert, I was having mega guilty feelings about spending money on a luxury, rather than a need. Plus, as I have previously mentioned, adoption is expensive and we are watching every penny. Therefore, I had pretty much resigned myself to getting a used mini van and was trying to hold off as long as possible so that we could just pay cash.

A few weeks ago my husband went on a run past what we call "The Lemon Lot," the place on base folks park their vehicles for sale. It is kind of out of the way, so it is odd that he went past it all, but there for sale was a mini van. He let me know when he got home from working out and we went to look at it before he went to work. I thought it looked good and the price was right, so he took down the number. He test drove it later that day (I just defer to him on car matters and trust his judgment).

The next day we left for vacation and Squishy spent a great deal of the trip researching the vehicle and talking to his dad's about whether it was a good price and whether he should try to bargain. Towards the end of the trip, he called the seller, offered $500 less than asking price, and they accepted. We requested a check from our bank for the amount and set a time to finalize the sale.

When the check arrived, Squishy called the sellers, who informed him that they had "prayed about it" and took another $500 off the price. WHO DOES THAT?!? We were very thrilled, as again, every penny matters right now.

When we went to get the van yesterday, I told the seller how thankful I was because we were trying to adopt. She said that the van had been on the lot for nearly a month with no real interest and that the day Squishy called, she just knew we were the right family. After she and Squishy finalized the price, her daily scripture was about how you get richer by giving, so she texted her husband and said that she wanted to lower the price and he agreed. Turns out that they are also Dave Ramsey converts. Oh, and they are getting ready to go on vacation, where they plan to meet with an adoption agency!

Pretty freaky, huh? But it gets better...

Since we knew we were buying the mini van, last weekend I had Squishy put my car up on Craigs List. He got a couple of hits and had a few folks test drive it early in the week. Today he had another appointment for a family to test drive it, and it sounds like they are the ones. Here's why:

I am a pretty big Scooby Doo fan, so there is a bumper sticker, floor mats, and sun shade in my car. Turns out they want to buy it for their 16 year old son who is "the biggest Scooby fan ever."

Also, Squishy's brother joined the Marines out of high school and I promptly slapped a "my brother is a US Marine" bumper sticker on the car. Turns out their other son is getting ready to leave for Marine basic.

And in more "who does that?" craziness... tomorrow Squishy is meeting them to have a mechanic friend of theirs fix the belt that is causing the AC and power steering not to work. Keep in mind, they haven't bought the car yet! How awesome is that? I can't imagine that they will go to all that work and then not want it, so with a little luck, that vehicle will be sold very soon.

It just makes me smile that everything comes full circle. And it has been so heart warming to see people just do nice things (lower the price, fix a car that isn't theirs yet).

Update

Squishy is downstairs doing his portion of the home study, and I'm upstairs trying my best not to listen in. ;)

So far it is going really well. Our social worker is very nice and easy to talk to. She has worked with our agency before and said that they are one of the best. She told us that she met with a family in March for their initial home study and was back in April for their follow-up! Hopefully she will be back here in a few months for ours.

I had dinner ready right when she got here so we just sat around the table talking and eating. That lasted just shy of about two hours. Then Squishy brought the kiddo upstairs and got him ready for bed while I did my interview.

None of the questions really surprised me, so that's good. The question I think I got hung up on the most is "what have you learned about yourself in the adoption process?" Um.....

So that's that. Really, if you are thinking about adoption or ever need a home study, so not anything to worry about. :)

Today is the day...

... that I officially give up control over this whole adoption process. Tonight is our home study and then it is out of my hands.

I have no doubt that we will pass our home study... Squishy is in the military and they keep him on a pretty tight leash, so he'll check out clean. And I just got certified to run a day care in my home which required ridiculous amounts of background checks and home inspections as well.

I'm rereading Dan Savage's book "The Kid" and last night I was at the part where he talks about the home study. It's a long passage, so I won't type it all out here, but basically it boils down to only for adoption do you have to first prove that you are a fit parent. In the natural baby making world anyone can get pregnant, regardless of their income, health, living situation, or substance use. They only get denied kids AFTER they screw up, and even then, they still get to have more (look at Casey Anthony... no one is going to stop her from having another kiddo).

So my real fear isn't the home study. I've prepped a meal for us and I'm sending Squirt to a friends house this afternoon so that I can remove the top layer of toddler dirt from my house. Then I will take a shower, but some make-up on, and just try to be my sweet, charming self (HA!).

But then it's done. There is no more paperwork to work on. No more profile drafts to edit. Just waiting.

Since I don't wait well, I'm trying to find things that to fill the time. One thing that I realized I can start once the home study is official is applying for adoption grants. There are TONS of programs that will give you money for your adoption, it is just a matter of doing the searches and finding ones that fit your situation, and once again doing paperwork. Most of them are just small grants, but when you are looking at such an expensive process, I'll gladly take a couple of hundred dollars here and a couple of hundred dollars there.

As you may be able to tell from this blog, the adoption has pretty much taken over any free space in my brain. If I'm not with Squirt or doing something that requires my full attention, I'm thinking about this adoption. My computer time is spent reading blogs, looking up books, visiting our agencies website for the hundredth time.

Yesterday, I did a search for reviews of our agency. I did this months ago before we settled with this agency, but I'm finding that rereading things (like "The Kid") at this stage in the process sheds a completely different light. One of the reviews I read was from a woman who activated with the agency, was matched with a mom 13 days later, and the baby was born 15 days after that. That's less than a month!

I keep looking at the agencies statistics... 1-9 months before we have a baby. 1-9 months!

Oh, little Spud, if you are already out there somewhere or growing in a tummy, please know that I love you so much. This is going to be an interesting adventure for all of us, and I may not always know the exact right thing to do or how best to support you, but you should always know that you are my heart & soul. I haven't even met you yet, and already I know that I wouldn't be the same without you. Momma loves you more than words and I hope you always know how truly wanted you are.

25 Hours

Really nothing new to report, except that our homestudy is in 25 hours! I have the nervous butterflies in my stomach. After tomorrow night, this whole process is pretty much out of my hands, which is hard, since I'm a major control freak. I almost feel numb right now. I am so nervous and excited. Part of me just wants to go to bed and wake up when it is over. I *KNOW* it will be okay, but I really think that next step is freakin' me out.

I told the hubby last night that this part reminds me of all the ovulation tests we tooks and trying to get pregnant a few years ago. Now we are just waiting for a positive test result.