Anxious

Hey Spud,
You are due in about 4 1/2 weeks and Momma is getting ANXIOUS!!! I never got to this point in my pregnancy with your brother, so while I know you need some more time to bake, I'm back to jumping at every phone call thinking "is she in labor?"

I'm mostly ready for that call. Your suitcase has been packed since three days after we heard you were coming. I'm working on getting your brother and I ready. I've got a pretty good mental plan of what needs to happen when the call comes, but it is a bit overwhelming.

Last night, Daddy & I went and painted some pottery for your room. This is something we enjoyed doing when Squirt was on the way and we had just as much fun doing it for you. It is just neat to sit there and paint and daydream about what you will be like. I painted a sign with your name and I love just looking at your name. It sounds silly, but I just think the name we picked will allow you to be flexible...you can use your full name when you need to be serious (I think it would be the perfect name for a lawyer, but no pressure!) or your nickname when you are out with your friends.

I'm super not crafty, but I want to make a door sign for your room, something like "Squirt & Spud Live Here. No Girls Allowed (except Mom)." It won't be for a few more months, but I am super duper excited for you two to share a room, especially as you get older. I'm excited for the late night laughing, the inevitable fighting, and the bunk beds as soon as Squirt turns 6. I found this really awesome design for triple bunk beds and I'm wanting those so bad for you boys! That way you can have friends or cousins sleep over whenever you want (another nice perk of homeschooling!).

At the pottery place, Daddy started painting your piggy bank. It is a sock monkey done in Indianapolis Colts colors. It is going to look so cute in your room!

Today I really need to clean out your car seat and Daddy is supposed to rearrange the seats in my mini-van to maximize space for you. I'm also going to try and talk to your Tummy Mommy today and see how she is feeling.

I guess that's about it for today little one. I love you and am just so thankful to be your Mom. I hope that one day, when you become a parent, you get to feel the love I already feel for you. You already amaze me and make me proud. Just always believe in yourself, the way that Daddy & I do. And know that while you might not have come into our lives the "traditional" way, you have the added blessing of being completely loved by two sets of parents.

Your Lola is worried about you at some point dealing with feelings of abandonment and such. While I understand her concerns, I hope above all else that by doing an open adoption, you are able to avoid some of those feelings. In a perfect world, I would want you to see that you weren't given up, you were extra loved. Whatever your beliefs in God and how we are created come to be, I believe that you were created from the love of 4 people, not just 2, like most of the "traditional" people.

I have so many fears for you Spud. In my heart I believe that your Daddy & I, by teaming up with your Tummy Mommy & Daddy are giving you the best life possible. I fear that we will make mistakes, but I have those same worries about your brother too. It is part of being a parent. I won't always have the answers and I won't always be able to protect you, and I apologize in advance for that. Just know that all the decisions the four of us make are made with the best of intentions. We are all just flawed humans, doing the best we can at any given moment.

Anxious to hold you,
Momma