Why Does Love Hurt So Much?

I can't even describe the pain I am experiencing over this child.

Today is just one of those days where I can't get the negative voices in my head to shut up. Why is it okay to tell an adoptive parent that "you know it might not work out?" I can't imagine telling a pregnant woman "you know that you might have a miscarriage or a still birth." People say "prepare yourself for the worst," but how the fuck do you do that, really?

I'm angry. I'm angry that I am trying my best to be supportive and there for Zac's Tummy Mommy and yet she is in the position to just break my heart.

I have spent more money that I can even wrap my brain around, turned my life upside down to get ready for this child, and let myself fall in love with this baby boy. And today all I feel is just pain.

Part of me just wants to pack up the van, call the whole thing off, and head back home to lick my wounds. At least then I would be doing something and not just in this horrible limbo.