Passing Time

Hey Spud,
7 years ago today, I became "Mrs. Squishy." Your daddy and I had a small wedding that was very "us," and it was one of those perfect days that even if I had a million dollars, I wouldn't change a thing about.

Last night we went out to celebrate. We saw a movie called "50/50" about a young man battling cancer. It was so good, but made me cry and cry and cry. Especially the scenes with his mother. I just kept thinking about you and Squirt and how I want so much to protect you from everything, and yet there are going to be hurts that I can't heal.

After the movie, we went to dinner at Red Lobster, which is mommy & daddy tradition, and just talked, and talked, and talked. We talked a lot about you, of course. We also talked about possibly moving soon and what impact that would have on our family and on finding you.

Waiting for you is extremely difficult. I try to give myself landmarks on the calendar to pass the time. For the last few weeks I've been saying "wouldn't it be awesome for Spud to be born on our anniversary?" Well, unless you plan to enter this world in the next few hours, I'm going to bump it to Thanksgiving. "Wouldn't it be awesome for Spud to be born on Thanksgiving?"

Daddy put in a request to change bases. We've been here over 5 years now and I think we are ready for a change. The problem with moving is that if we do it before you find us, we have to deactivate for a little while. Once we move and get settled in a new house, we will have to do the homestudy process all over again. It stresses me out a bit because I wanted you and your brother to be fairly close in age, but I'm trying to remind myself that "everything happens for a reason" (an expression your daddy hates) and that you will find us when the time and place is right. Maybe we are perfect for a birth mom, but where we live right now is just too far away for her.

I had a dream about you again last night. We have your first name picked out already, but have been a bit stuck on a middle name if you end up being a girl. In my dream last night, it was vitally important that we give you the middle name Brianna. I told Daddy about it this morning and he likes it, so I think that is going on the short list.

Spud, I want to apologize in advance if I don't blog much in the coming weeks. I think I'm just preparing myself for the reality that you might not find us. Mommy's heart just hurts. She wants you sooooo much and just feels helpless right now to do anything. Once you get here and start to grow up, you'll learn that patience is not one of my virtue's. I'm a bit like your brother right now "I want what I want and I want it NOW!" Except, I can't call up the adoption agency and have a temper tantrum to try to bring you home sooner. But believe me, if I thought that would work even the slightest bit, I would do it.

I love you kiddo. I'm trying to stay positive, but if you could go easy on me and find us soon, I'd really appreciate it.