Giving Thanks

Hey Spud,
Your Tummy Mommy just totally made my day. She sent me a couple pictures of herself and one of your siblings. Ohmygosh! She is so pretty and your brothers and sister are so cute. You are going to be one good looking little man.

This experience just keeps getting better and better!

Love you!

Anxious

Hey Spud,
You are due in about 4 1/2 weeks and Momma is getting ANXIOUS!!! I never got to this point in my pregnancy with your brother, so while I know you need some more time to bake, I'm back to jumping at every phone call thinking "is she in labor?"

I'm mostly ready for that call. Your suitcase has been packed since three days after we heard you were coming. I'm working on getting your brother and I ready. I've got a pretty good mental plan of what needs to happen when the call comes, but it is a bit overwhelming.

Last night, Daddy & I went and painted some pottery for your room. This is something we enjoyed doing when Squirt was on the way and we had just as much fun doing it for you. It is just neat to sit there and paint and daydream about what you will be like. I painted a sign with your name and I love just looking at your name. It sounds silly, but I just think the name we picked will allow you to be flexible...you can use your full name when you need to be serious (I think it would be the perfect name for a lawyer, but no pressure!) or your nickname when you are out with your friends.

I'm super not crafty, but I want to make a door sign for your room, something like "Squirt & Spud Live Here. No Girls Allowed (except Mom)." It won't be for a few more months, but I am super duper excited for you two to share a room, especially as you get older. I'm excited for the late night laughing, the inevitable fighting, and the bunk beds as soon as Squirt turns 6. I found this really awesome design for triple bunk beds and I'm wanting those so bad for you boys! That way you can have friends or cousins sleep over whenever you want (another nice perk of homeschooling!).

At the pottery place, Daddy started painting your piggy bank. It is a sock monkey done in Indianapolis Colts colors. It is going to look so cute in your room!

Today I really need to clean out your car seat and Daddy is supposed to rearrange the seats in my mini-van to maximize space for you. I'm also going to try and talk to your Tummy Mommy today and see how she is feeling.

I guess that's about it for today little one. I love you and am just so thankful to be your Mom. I hope that one day, when you become a parent, you get to feel the love I already feel for you. You already amaze me and make me proud. Just always believe in yourself, the way that Daddy & I do. And know that while you might not have come into our lives the "traditional" way, you have the added blessing of being completely loved by two sets of parents.

Your Lola is worried about you at some point dealing with feelings of abandonment and such. While I understand her concerns, I hope above all else that by doing an open adoption, you are able to avoid some of those feelings. In a perfect world, I would want you to see that you weren't given up, you were extra loved. Whatever your beliefs in God and how we are created come to be, I believe that you were created from the love of 4 people, not just 2, like most of the "traditional" people.

I have so many fears for you Spud. In my heart I believe that your Daddy & I, by teaming up with your Tummy Mommy & Daddy are giving you the best life possible. I fear that we will make mistakes, but I have those same worries about your brother too. It is part of being a parent. I won't always have the answers and I won't always be able to protect you, and I apologize in advance for that. Just know that all the decisions the four of us make are made with the best of intentions. We are all just flawed humans, doing the best we can at any given moment.

Anxious to hold you,
Momma

Your Tummy Mommy

Hey Spud,
Today is your Tummy Mommy's birthday and so I thought I would dedicate today's post to telling you a little bit about her and my feelings towards her.

First, to say that I am thankful for your Tummy Mommy really doesn't do justice to the amount of gratitude and awe I feel for the woman. She is going through something that I can't even wrap my brain around, all because she loves you so much and wants the absolute best for you.

Next, I admire your mommy's honesty and bravery so much. When you are older and ask questions, I will explain to you more about how invasive the adoption process is. On our end, Daddy and I had to have background checks and interviews and doctors appointments. It was kind of strange having to open up to complete strangers about our pasts. But nothing we went through compares to the type of stuff your Tummy Mommy has had to talk about with bunches of strangers. And yet, she has been amazing at talking about stuff that is hard in order to assure that you get the best quality care that you deserve.

When we talked to her on the phone the other day, I was struck by what a good mom she is to your other siblings. She picked Daddy & I for you because she wants the best for all of you and right now she just can't give all of you everything you deserve. While there may come a time where her decision is hard to understand, I want you to always remember that she is making the right decision for all of you.

I respect your Tummy Mommy & Daddy so much and I hope that you will do the same.

Such a gift

Oh Spud!

There is so much I want to say to you today, but I'm not sure I can put my excitement into words. Just a few minutes ago, Daddy and I got off the phone with your tummy mommy & daddy. I love them! How could I not? I'm completely head over heels in love with you and they created you and then picked Daddy & I to have the honor of raising you.

One thing is for certain kiddo.. you are very, Very, VERY loved all around.

More later my love... just wanted you to know that right now you have 4 very relieved parents who feel like things are working out awesomely in regards to you.

XOXO
Momma

Checking In

Hey Little Man,
Sorry I haven't written in a few days, but my brain has pretty much been jello. I didn't know until this week that even when you are "paper pregnant," you can still get the dreaded pregnancy brain.

The daycare is slowly shutting down to make room for you. Today is the last day with one of my boys and when I told daddy he said that it is "bittersweet." Yes, I am thrilled for you, but it is hard saying goodbye to kids that I have grown to love.

In happy news, your cousin, Ryan, was born on Tuesday night. Your poor Aunt Katie had a pretty long and rough delivery and while Ryan is doing okay, he will stay in the hospital for about a week to get all better. You are going to love them so much Spud! And I'm just so thrilled that you and Ryan will be so close in age. Their best friends have a boy about your brothers age and then are expecting another little boy pretty much anytime now. I'm so anxious to have a bbq at their house with all five of you boys running around the back yard, chasing the dogs.

I'm slowly getting stuff ready for you. I've got your suitcase packed. My favorite thing is a little santa outfit that was your brothers. It is so crazy to think that you will be here for Christmas. Daddy has been deployed the last two years, so I'm just so thrilled to spend the holiday with all three of my boys!!!!

Today we have a conference call with the agency to start talking about details. EEK! This is really happening.

I love you so much little guy and will be holding you soon...
Momma

Dear Ducks, Please Get in a Row

I'm thankful today that my mom raised me to be an organized freak. Writing a good list gives me goose bumps, and I'm able to think of (and plan for) millions of different scenarios. While this is not always a positive character trait, I'm currently finding it very useful.

Um, in case you are new to my blog: I'm having a baby in less than 7 weeks!!!!!!! Perfect, great, wonderful. Except, I've only known this for 3 days, not the 8 months most pregnant women have. And the baby is being born about 30 hours away, not just wherever I happen to go into labor at.

Yesterday I pulled out Squirt's newborn stuff to start figuring out what I need for Spud. I did a couple of loads of laundry and packed a suitcase for him. I've got some outfits, sleepers, sleep sacks, a warm blanket, a few receiving blankets, a boppy and a toy. They say that the hospital will give us the first few days worth of diapers/formula/pacifiers. And then there is a Walgreens/Walmart/CVS on every corner.

I'm trying to determine how we are going to set up the house when we get back/where to put Spud's stuff for now.

I am antsy for tomorrow so that I can talk to our adoption specialist about traveling and start working out all the details. We really want to drive so that we can save money, bring the dog, stop to see family on our way home, yadda, yadda, yadda. But even if we leave the second we get the call that Tummy Mommy is in labor, there is almost certainly no way we can make it in time for the birth.

I have managed to find two hotels in the area that fit our needs (pet friendly, suite style, indoor pool for Squirt), so at least I know WHERE to go when I get there. And I've lined up my amazing aunt to drive up from her home to watch Squirt while we are at the hospital with Spud.

Honestly, I just want to close my daycare on December 2, pack up Squirt and the dog and drive to my in-laws. Then when labor starts, I can drive there and get there in time and Squishy can fly in. Ha! Now that I have typed that out, that might just be the solution. Thanks blog readers for helping me with my crazy!

Yesterday morning I called my mom for advice. I had all this frantic energy and no clue where to start. "My first instinct," I told her, "is to clean my fridge, but I know that's not the best use of my time." She laughed and explained to me that it is just a road trip, which I have made many of times, and a newborn, which I have successfully managed once.

A million thoughts are racing through my mind, so please forgive my crazy frantic posts over the next few weeks.

Love you all!

Whoa

Now that the craziness of yesterday is over, it is starting to sink in that "Holy Crap! I'm having a baby in 7 weeks!"

Last night I was thinking about how I'm sort of lucky with this "pregnancy" because I can still get a full nights sleep up until he actually gets here. HA! That didn't so much happen... my mind is racing with about ten bizzillion things that need to get done.

I don't even really know where to start.

I'm having a baby. A baby!

Last night our dear friend (love you Auntie Lisa) showed me a picture of her oldest son holding Squirt the first time they babysat. He was soooo tiny! I seriously don't even remember him being that small. He was about 2 months old in the picture. And now we are starting all over with a new one.

Squishy deployed when Squirt was just a few weeks old, so I am beyond thankful that this time he will be home to experience the first smile, first rolling over... that sort of thing.

Random things that are swarming in my mind (this blog might feature a lot of these over the next few weeks).. how having a new baby is going to force Squirt to "grow up" maybe a little faster than I would like. My "baby" isn't going to be the baby anymore. I was thinking about how often we carry him and snuggle with him and all that. But now that might change a little. Or Squishy and I are really going to have to tag team a lot with this parenting gig. I totally have a single mom mentality and then just feel blessed when Squishy is around to help. The daycare has given me a taste of what it will be like to juggle two of them, but I still think it will be strange doing it 24 hours a day.

I've already got an amazing double stroller (technically it has a jump seat that turns it into a triple stroller), so I'm not afraid to travel. Just need to figure out how to get it in and out of my van. (Note to self: have Justin remove back seat of van before trip for more luggage space).

Okay, time to get off this blog and actually be productive. My nesting instinct is kicking in hardcore and since the boys are still sleeping, I have some alone time to work.

Let's Run a Marathon, Without Training

Today was insane!

All I kept thinking was "how on earth do people get the call from the hospital and have to rush to do all this and rush to get to their child?"

Earlier in the week we had scheduled ourselves for a financial management class on base. Very important topic to us considering that as of right now we have about $400 to our names and owe Squishy's mom about a grand for helping us out today. We got to the class and the opening speaker was really awesome. After that, my mind just sort of went foggy.

I had prepared a to-do list for today and sitting in class was freaking out about how on earth we were going to get it all done with our other commitments (a co-workers going away party for Squishy, my daycare responsibilities). I asked Squishy if we could divide and conquer... one stay at the class while the other started the to-do list. Instead, we politely explained to the teacher why we needed to leave and started our marathon.

Legal office to get contracts notarized.. Squishy's work to copy & fax documents... post office... calls to the bank... calls to Squishy's mom... learning the hard way that apparently cash is frowned upon as a form of currency these days.

When all was said and done... over 25 grand is on its way to our to the agency, along with the official paperwork.

I found two hotels that we could potentially stay at (enough room for Squirt to play/swim, and room to bring the 11 pound furry son). We have our route figured out to and from, which includes a stop in Squishy's home state to see the family. We started putting out feelers to extended family to come help us with Squirt while we are at the hospital and such.

Sent a message to the social worker that did our homestudy. Apparently if the adoption follows Texas standards, we have to do 5 post placement visits within 5 months... at $300 a pop.

Still so many questions and details to figure out, but at least at this very moment, I feel like she could go into labor right now and we could make it work. I'm assuming we will talk to our adoption specialist next week and the plan is to have a conference call with the birth family next week as well. Those conversations should give us a better idea of when we will actually need to travel and how long we will need to stay there.

Poor Squishy is still in a holding pattern with work about where/if we are moving. And he has to wait on that so that he can re-enlist. Which needs to be done by December 15. So, um, a little bit of anxiety on how that is all going to come together. But it will.

All that is important is that the 4 of us are about to be together.

The Story

Wednesday night I had a bit of a break-down. Hubby has a lot on his plate right now with work and a lot on his mind with an upcoming re-enlistment. I'm always stressed (it is just part of my personality). I got into the tub to relax and he came and sat in the bathroom with me and I just verbally vomited all my fears at him. I sobbed about "what if Spud never finds us?" and gave him the option of putting off the adoption so that he could get out of the military if he thought that was best. After venting, we both felt a little better and life went on.

Yesterday afternoon I was sitting in my van, waiting for one of my daycare kiddos to get out of school. I had 5 other little ones with me, watching a Winnie the Pooh movie and eating their snacks.

Then the phone rang.

Number not programmed in my phone.

Heart does the jumping thing, but my mind says "probably another daycare call."

"Hello?"

"Hi is this Sunny?"

"Yes."

"This is So-And-So with American Adoptions."

*I'm pretty sure I came close to passing out at this point.* "Is this THE CALL?"

"It could be."

The next few minutes (I checked my phone, the whole conversation lasted 11 minutes and 37 seconds) are kind of a blur. The bell rang at the school and I had to get the 6 year old. She conference called Squishy. She told us the details and then WOW!

Since I was in a school zone and about to drive on to base and had 6 kids with me, I couldn't call Squishy back right away. LONGEST DRIVE HOME EVER!

Got the kids inside and settled and called Squishy back. I still had about an hour before he got home from work. I called my mom. I called my best friend. And then I've pretty much been shell shocked ever since.

Spud is due December 23, but the mom has delivered early on previous pregnancies, so we are expecting to have the little guy sooner.

I can't really go into to many details to protect the birth family and their privacy, but I will tell you that the situation is about near perfect for what we were hoping for as far as their situation/open adoption.

We have a crazy few days ahead of us of signing the next round of paperwork, getting it notarized/faxed/mailed off. And trying to get ALL the money wired to Kansas City. In addition, we need to get our jobs stuff settled (I'm closing the daycare, Squishy has to get stuff in order for short notice leave). We still need to talk to the agency about all the legal details (though it sounds like their state and ours work pretty well together) and about how long we can expect to be gone. Oh! And then we have to, I don't know, GET READY TO HAVE A NEWBORN!!!

I am in such shock. I haven't cried yet. Not sure when it will all actually hit me. In just a few weeks I'll be doing the 2am feedings again and all that. I'm going to be a mommy again!!!

Spud just had a cousin born in September and another one is due pretty much any day now (do you hear that Horton?). That means my in-laws will have 3 new grandsons within like a 4 month time period. CRAZINESS!!

Squishy's family is pretty notorious for being genetically partial to boys. We joked that the only way anyone was going to get a girl was if Spud was a girl. But the boy streak continues! Squishy's brother is rapidly approaching having enough kids/nephews for a basketball team.

One of the awkward things we need to do right away is send the agency a card for the birth mom. Um, where is the section of Hallmark for "thank you for picking me to raise your child"? We found a pretty, yet simple thank you card and are just writing our own message and including a photo from Halloween.

Mind is still racing... busy day ahead. Love you all! I just can't thank you enough for the support you have shown us over the last year as we started on this journey.

Shock & Awe

We got "The Call" today. I will post more details in the coming weeks, but the long & short of it is that right before Christmas, Spud will be joining our family. We are so excited to welcome HIM!!! Yep, Spud is a boy. We are over the moon excited and still in complete shock.

As I'm sure you can imagine, we have A LOT to do in the next 7 weeks.

Thank you for all of your love and support.