Sorry that it has been a little while. I've been living a lot "in my head" the past few weeks.
I am trying to move forward, but still feeling so betrayed. I'm trying to balance wanting what is best for Zac with being oh-so-angry at his birth parents. And I'm trying to come to peace with what has happened and what we have lost.
I want to close my eyes and forget that any of this ever happened, just wipe the slate clean. But I also want to remember every second and detail of loving that little baby.
Mostly, I'm just trying to stay busy so that it doesn't hurt.
I love the new look first of all. Second, sometimes all you can do is stay busy and wait for it to hurt less. It took months for me not to think about what we lost every day. And then nine months of holding my breath hoping and worrying that it would happen all over again. Sometimes, trite as it is, time is the only thing that makes the pain manageable.
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